Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Him and Me

Lots of people think that gideon and I have some sort of perfect story: we met on a performing company, instantly fell in love on stage (with gorgeous lighting and live music playing), and have been madly in love ever since.

Um. Lots of people are wrong.

A few weeks ago, I sat, talking to a friend of mine. She, in tears, expressed her frustration in men, and said something along the lines of, "you don't understand. Look at you and gid. You guys have this perfect relationship. You've probably never had a real argument since you've met." I felt immediately obligated to correct that stipulation. Gideon and I are crazy in love, and we are so happy to be married, but I don't think there is any worthwhile relationship that didn't have at least a few bumps along the way.

Now, I'm perfectly capable of sitting down and talking for 72 hours straight, only taking breaks for air and occasionally sips of water, but I don't want to put anyone through that. So I've come up with an alternate plan: I sat down and figured out the 15 most significant days from the first day I met Gid to now. I feel that the details I've included aren't too personal (and I had gideon approve them). The purpose of this isn't to be obnoxious (and if you feel it is, I invite you to find another post). It's purpose is to show that everyone has struggles. That's part of the plan. Without struggle, there wouldn't be any triumph.

Ok. Let's start at the beginning. As Julie Andrews tells us, that's a very good place to start.

Part 1

{4 years ago; plus 13 days}

Dance Alliance 2006 audition at BYU Idaho. The director announced all of the names who had been invited onto the company, and I looked around at the people I'd get to spend the next several months with. I met eyes with one of the dancers who gave me a friendly smile before looking away quickly. I didn't notice his little boy cuteness; I was dating someone else.
As I would find out later, so was he.

DAY 382
{3 years ago; plus 15 days}

I notice a missed call from Gideon. There's no message, so I call him back. In the past year, he's become one of my best friends. I hang out with him (strictly as friends) on a regular basis, and adore his dorky sweetness. I watch him date beautiful perfect women who know how to cook. It doesn't bother me in the least. I jokingly tell him he's going to be the next Prophet, and he rolls his green eyes as his cheeks get red. We swap relationship dramas over mint ice cream, and we often go star gazing with our friends on hot summer nights after playing Frisbee. Since being partners in the play "Oklahoma", we've gotten to be the closest of friends. I've been on and off with the same guy for the last several months, and can't seem to decide whether I want it to go anywhere. For some reason, I don't tell gid about him.

The phone is still ringing. Finally I hear Gideon's cheerful voice on the other line. I tell him that I saw his missed call, and ask him what's up. He (in ultimate awkward perfection) asks me on a date. Like a real date. Like him pick me up, pay for me, and be paired off with me date. My initial thought is, "Oh, poor gideon. He doesn't have any real girls to ask out on dates, so he has to ask his friends (I considered myself something like his third cousin twice removed)."

I feel really sorry for him, but answer, "Sure, Gid! That would be fun."
We go on a date.

{...Did not even come close to seeing that he was interested in being more than friends.}

DAY 570
{2 years ago; plus 5 months and 9 days}

Gid's been acting kind of weird lately. I don't realise it at the time, but we've been going on casual dates for almost a year now. I've been casually dating others at the same time, and so has he. But why is he being so weird? Like for instance: our hands brushed, and his face got really red. Really? Am I that repulsive? As I'm thinking about him one day, he calls me and asks me if I want to go grab some ice cream. It's kind of a dumb question. I answer the way any girl would: I give a wholehearted, two thumbs up, enthusiastic yes. I waited three minutes. Five minutes. Around ten minutes, I answer another call from gideon, and listen to him apologetically tell me that he can't find his keys. I cheerfully tell him not to worry, for I shall drive us to the wonderful DQ. I happily drive us to get ice cream. And then, because I'm a kick butt friend, I spend 3 hours helping him look all over campus for his keys. We don't find them.

DAY 573
{2 years ago; plus 5 months and 12 days}

I'm at Deedee's house. Gideon calls me. He asks if he can come over and talk. I tell him where I am, and to come on over. He gets really awkward, then says he remembers something he had to do, and after a lot of stuttering, tells me he'll just talk to me later.

At this point, I'm starting to get a little worried about him. I ask Deedee if she knows if there's anything wrong with gid (anything that would explain his acting strange, something like a family tragedy, or a bad test). Her roommate quickly answers, "Well, maybe he's just in love with you." Annoyed, I roll my eyes and step outside to call him back.

Gid- "Hey."
Me- "Hi. Are you ok?"
Gid- "Yeah."
Me- "Are you sure?"
Gid- "...yeah."
Me- "Did you loose your keys again?"
Gid- (sigh) "No."
Me- "Ok, then. Bye."
Gid- "Ok, bye."

That was a strange night.

DAY 581
{2 years ago; plus 5 months and 120 days}

Gideon calls, and asks to schedule a time for us to talk. I think I'm in big trouble, and that it must have something to do with the online media law class we both are taking. He comes over. He's in a suit and tie. I'm in my pajamas. We go to the Kirkham. We sit down. His face is red, and he looks like he might be a little sick. I feel a little sick just looking at him. He tells me that he's not good at "this", but he's felt too strong about it for too long, and he has to do something about it. Deep breath. He tells me that he cares about me. He goes on about how he wouldn't bring this up, unless he really felt like it might go somewhere. Somewhere in there, I think he might have used the phrase, "I could see myself marrying you." I feel a little light headed(not in a good way). I'm terrified of ruining my friendship with him. As he's looking in my eyes explaining his feelings, and how long they've been going on, I feel very strongly of three things:

1) Gideon Tolman is the best guy I know.
2) If I don't give this a shot, It'll bug me for the rest of my life.
3) I feel like I might puke a little bit. Not sure if that's good or bad.

That night I can't even fall asleep.
I'm too apprehensive.

And so it begins.

DAY 770
{2 years ago; plus 7 days}

I'm stunned. Speechless. I've never cried about a boy like this before. But then again, I've never even been close to dumped before. I'm annoyed, irritated, and can't believe I wasted time on someone who doesn't appreciate the Bourne Series, and more importantly, someone who doesn't like chocolate. How could I be so stupid?! Hot, angry tears just keep coming, as I think about how I've been with Gid, who doesn't even act like he likes me half the time, and turned down at least 3 other guys who would have thanked their lucky stars to date me. I convince myself that he was the worst boyfriend of all time, and no matter what, I'm never ever getting back with him. I inwardly groan as I think about the duet we've been cast to do together at the end of our show that is Touring Russia in just a few months. It's a piece all about love. I hate love. As I'm saying my prayers that night, I feel a little nudge that says, "I wouldn't throw in the towel too soon, Alyssa."

That night I can't even fall asleep.
I'm so mad.

DAY 784
{1 year ago; plus 354 days}

The news has spread. Girls either looks at me like A) I'm the devil (assuming I'm the one who broke up with perfect gideon), B) like my favorite puppy just died (assuming that I was madly in love with Gid, and now I think my life is over), or C) like they want to hug me for giving them a shot at dating Gid. The good news is, a few boys have stepped in, and asked if I'd like to go out. I want so badly to want to go out; but I really really don't. I secretly hate dating. I hate the awkwardness of it all. I begin to seriously consider becoming a nun. But, when the cute boy from the Russian association asks me if I want to make a russian dish and enter it together at the culture night, I take a deep breath and dive in. He's charming the entire evening, and makes me laugh with his unbeatable (and somewhat inappropriate but funny nonetheless) wit. I see another friend at the Russian night, and after some sly flirting, he shows up at my apartment after the activity with a date offer. I shouldn't be so hesitant, but I am.

That night my roommate, giddy, says, "YAY Alyssa! You got two guys interest tonight!" She (without my permission) starts listing off the reasons I should like this guy or that guy more than Gid.

1- This guy has a really nice truck with an awesome sound system, instead of that lame cluncker Gideon drives. (At this point, I think to myself, "... but I really liked that gideon drives an old man car.")
2- This guy dresses super awesome. He could be a model, and he wears that really nice cologne. You guys would be such a hott couple. (At this point, I think to myself, I don't mind gideon's style at all, and I love the way he smells.)

My roommate goes on, determined to hook me up with an ultra fashionable boy with a future in modeling. I don't listen though, because I'm starting to realize that I'm not over Gideon. Yet.

DAY 858
{1 year ago; plus 280 days}

Gideon is on a road trip.
We've been calling back and forth.
I think we're back to being friends.
Even better, I think I might finally be over him.


DAY 870
{1 year ago; plus 268 days}

Still at home for Christmas break. Sick in bed.
Got a Christmas package from Gid.
...wait, what?

DAY 887
{1 year ago; plus 250 days}

Gideon calls.
Asks me out for a date.
After a long pause, I confusedly accept.

After he drops me off, I collapse onto the couch in angst. What in heck am I doing? There's a knock at the door. I answer, finding one of my best guy friends who spends the next few hours hugging me, making me laugh, and singing me songs on the guitar. Just as I start to forget my obnoxiously annoying situation with Gideon, I check my phone to find 3 missed calls from him. I call back. He asks if he can come over the next night to talk.

Here we go again.
I can't sleep. I'm too sick to my stomach.

DAY 900

{1 year ago; plus 237 days}

Because it's very personal, I don't want to go
into too much detail on what made me decide
to give Gideon a second chance, but I did.

DAY 914
{1 year ago; plus 223 days}

On our way home from a family reunion, we hit a really big deer.
That night, {since the romantic atmosphere was so perfect} Gideon tells me he loves me.
I don't want to admit it, but I'm pretty sure we're getting married.

DAY 1002
{1 year ago, plus 128 days}

Gideon gave me a diamond ring.
We hadn't even gone ring shopping.
It's beautiful. An emerald cut with smal diamonds surounding it and wrapping around the band.
I can't imagine loving any other ring more.
When I ask how he found it, he says, "it was the only one in the store that looked like it belonged on your finger."

I can't sleep that night. I'm too excited.

DAY 1127
{1 year ago, plus 3 days}

Gideon and I got married; sealed together for eternity.

DAY 1620

We're so in love, and the best friends we've ever been. Three days ago we celebrated our one year anniversary, and yesterday we watched a cheesy chick flick and shared popcorn, snuggled, and laughed at the bad acting. I'm so glad I married my best friend, even though it was super weird around day 585, a rather depressing day 775, and a super apprehensive day 890.

But here in day 1620, when I look back, it was all more than worth it.


  1. Coming very soon I hope, I'm on the edge of my seat to see how this thing turns out :)

  2. I'm so glad it was worth it to you! We felt so bad that Gideon put you through all that. But, on the other hand, it is always good to have the opportunity to know, really know, that you wouldn't want to be married to anyone else. I think God knows what he's doing when he gets couples together!

  3. I loved this post. I knew next to nothing about your relationship. Here's to happiness - the real kind.

  4. oh my cutest story of all time! love the ups and down, so real. love your blog, you're a great writer!


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