Thursday, September 30, 2010

a post about choices.

Remember "Oh The Places You'll Go"?

"You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. 
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. 
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. 
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest."

... Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch."

So. I've been feeing kinda lurchy lately.

Part of it is me being chemically imbalanced. An inevitability 
every 28 days. Too much info? Sorry. Actually, get over it.

A big part of it is missing my family.
I miss my sweet sisters, my ridiculous brothers, and my perfect parents.
I also miss my bb gun.

I think, however, the biggest part is trying to figure out the future.
{It also might have something to do with being something my friend ivy calls "hangry". 
This is, naturally, the combination of hunger and anger. 
My friends are funny. Also- I'm eating while I'm writing this, so don't be scared.}

It's hard. Remember a few posts ago when I was talking about living life to the fullest, and never letting anything hold you back regardless if you're single, married, rich, poor, tall, short, or strange? 
I probably mentioned something about rainbows and happy donkeys, too. 

Well, when I was writing that post, I wasn't in a lurch, and my emotions were at a normal level.

There are so many questions flooding my brain right now.

When is it time for me to be done with school? Should I be working right now so Gid can go to school full time? Should Gid and I both be working part time so we can both go to school? Should Gid and I both work full time so we can save money? Should Gid and I move? Should Gid and I get life insurance? Should we be writing our will right now? What if we die?? Should Gid and I be performers in the circus? Should I go to grad school in dance? Maybe I should have a baby? Should I go to grad school and then have a baby? Am I even ready to have a baby?I kicked a pidgin once, what if I'm a bad mom? Maybe we should get a puppy instead of a baby? Should we stay in idaho? Should we go to texas? Should we go to the other side of the country where we can really really be on on our own? Should we move to salmon and stay there for the rest of our lives? Should we become penniless world travelers? Should we adopt a baby? Should we be thinking about buying a house right now? Maybe I should learn how to play the cello? Perhaps we should take a cooking class together? No, nothing that costs money!
I was going to put all of these small questions into the shape of a question mark, and it was going to be a fabulous part of this post, but after trying one time I gave up, because I'd rather spend time finishing writing and then go straight to bed, and I don't want to waste time. ok? Ok. It was a cool idea though, right?

It makes it really hard to make a solid decision. We learn that true faith is walking to the edge of the light and a few steps into the dark, but that kind of seems like it comes from a scary movie. What if there is a bottomless pit just past the shadows? I'd really rather not fall in. 

I wish that I could have a flashlight to take with me while I'm exercising faith.
Just a little one; I'd even settle for one of those keychain lights. 

But that's not the way it works. In order for it to be true faith, we must walk into the unknown; with the soft guidance of the Lord gently pushing us into the right direction. He wouldn't let me fall into a bottomless pit. Even though I have a bottomless pit for a stomach. Now I'm getting side tracked...

wow. that sure looks tasty right now.

I know lots of people have been where I am right now: sitting on the couch late on evening, listening to soft music playing, their stomach growling and their brain furiously trying to figure out 
what on earth is the next chapter in their life. And I know some people have had even less of a clue than I do; so I'll most likely be ok. 

I've just got it in my head that in life there's only one right choice at a time. The truth is, there are several. I just want to pick the rightest choice, you know? The very rightest one available. I'm also hoping it will just come to me. Not in an impression, a feeling, or in a dream, but preferably in a handwritten letter (from Heavenly Father if possible) telling me exactly what to do and in what order.

What if there are two worthy choices? For instance- what do you do if you're in an ice cream shoppe, and your server asks you if you want a double scoop of white chocolate vanilla mousse sprinkled with gummy bears OR a mango sorbet with raspberries and blueberries on the side???? 

I think we can all agree that those are 
both worthy choices.

They're just different. It depends if I'm in a sweet sugary gummy bear mood, 
or if I'm in a more organic fruit eating mood.
Most days I'd prefer the gummy bears. 

But there are some days I wouldn't want anything but the mangos and raspberries. 
I supposed you can do both. But mangos taste kind of strange with gummy bears.
I've tried.

Thank goodness I know what is most important in life.

Thank goodness I know the truths that I do.
Thank goodness I have gideon.
Thank goodness for my family.
And thank goodness for my friends.

I'd be willing to take any advice anyone has to offer on methods of how to make big choices. I'm just going to put that out there.

Anyway, I've never been more desperate for conference. 
I hope you all enjoy it as much as I know I will.

Happy Thursday, treasured friends. 


  1. Aaaaamen! Let me know when you get your hand written letter from Heavenly Father...I'd like one, too!

  2. I completely agree... Hope things are going well for both you and Gideon!
    Miss you!

  3. One thing I (we) have learned is that often it isn't that God doesn't answer our prayers, it's that he doesn't choose for us. Sometimes it takes those couple of steps without your keychain flashlight to realize "hey good choice, no pit of despair" which gives you confidence in your own choice and helps you to just keep moving. I can give you more specifics if you like when we have our unplanned as of yet girl time. You are amazing and full of wonderful potential, And just think, you could always have a single scoop on two different cones and alternate ... mmm ice cream talk + pregnant woman... lethal ;). Do your best to keep you chin up. Hugs.

  4. i agree also! my thoughts exactly. i too am excited for conference :) someday you'll look back on life and then it'll make sense, that's all i can say about choices!

  5. AMAZING!!! I love your thoughts and the way you express yourself both verbally and through pictures! You are ABSOLUTELY amazing!! I love you!

  6. This is a beautiful post. I think everyone who reads this will be able to relate. Thank you for writing this.

  7. That is a lovely and amazing post. It is like looking right into your soul. "Life is what happens while we are making other plans" and "Life may not be the party we had hoped for, but as long as we are here, we may as well dance".


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