Thursday, September 2, 2010

Somedays, no matter how hard I try...

I can't stay grumpy.
(you read that right)

I couldn't sleep last night. Gideon was practically purring, fast asleep, and trying to hug me so tight I hardly could breathe. I tossed and turned, getting grouchier by the minute. I had a strange desire to poke him til he woke up, just so he could be grouchy tossing and turning like me. How evil. So, naturally, when I woke up, I felt like Oscar the grouch, with squinty eyes, and ready to bite anyone who got in my way. But, after Gid got home from teaching his early morning seminary, (did I tell you guys he's teaching early morning seminary?) Gideon brought me a doughnut from his class.

 How could I stay grumpy with such a delightful breakfast? Doughnut + strawberry milk = Alyssa smiling.

That is, until I remembered that I had to go to my ballet class. 

The first day of class (two days ago) was basically a recipe of embarrassment, sauteed with insecurity, a dash of skinny envy, and whipped with modern dance with drawls. It was rough. I had to stifle back tears on my way to the car; not because I hate ballet, but because I really miss dancing with my friends, and I especially miss being on my old company. I get anxiety when I think about going to this class. It mostly is filled with girls who are on a professional company; and that's a real confidence killer. Plus, I'm paying tuition for this class. So I'm kinda feeling like if I'm paying for it, I should be not hating my life. Right?

So as I'm deciding which leotard I should embarrass myself in this morning, I got all Oscar the Grouch again. I had a conversation with myself in my head.

Alyssa I: "Alyssa! Why are you so grouchy? What is your problem??"

Alyssa II: "I don't want to go to this class. I don't even like ballet."

Alyssa I: "Well, the deadline to drop the class is tomorrow. If you're really that miserable, you probably should just drop it, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and moping around."

Alyssa II: "Alyssa, I'm not going to drop a class just because it intimidates the pee out of me, ok?"

Alyssa I: "Well, maybe you should stop being such a baby about it then."

Alyssa II: "Fine. I'm putting my leotard on, ok? Geez, back off."

Does anybody else think I need medication?

Anyway, after I convinced myself to go to class one more time before I decide whether or not to drop it, I went outside. And guess what I saw?

I saw hot air balloons. Not just one, several of them, sailing off in the sky. I stood in the parking lot for a minute and just stared. And then I smiled. How could I be in a grumpy mood when there were hot air balloons sailing above my head? I couldn't.

I went to my class. It was exhausting, but not half as bad as the first day of class. As I was cheerfully walking back to my car, I tried to figure out what made today better than Tuesday's class. I tried really hard not to conclude that it was because of a doughnut, strawberry milk, and a lovely view of hot air balloons, (obviously there was more to it than that) but it was hard not to.

You guys know I'm not always such a horrific grump in the morning, right?
Some people would even describe me as 'chipper'.
But some mornings, I am.
I'm just grumpy.

But this morning, no matter how hard I tried to stay grumpy, I couldn't be.


  1. You are a BEAUtiful dancer, no matter what you're doing or who you're doing it with. I hope it just keeps getting better for you!

  2. Whit, you're so sweet to say that. Its funny you should comment on this because there is a girl in my class (on of the professionals of course) who reminds me so much of you. I usually watch her when I have no idea what to do. Which is actually all of the time. So I think of you often. The end.

  3. Some mornings I basically tell myself that I am grumpy. And I am so stubborn that NOTHING seems to change my mind. I love that you saw those sweet balloons and let them reach you. I want to be like you. :)

  4. Alyssa, whenever you are on your way to your ballet class and don't want to go just think to yourself... this Ballet class with be awesome because I've already been in THE WORST ballet class, the one where Jenni was my teacher and she STRANGLED me! but be careful asking to go to the bathroom or sit out, cause you never know when a teacher will snap... :)

  5. Oh Jenni.
    That was the best ballet class I've ever had.
    How I miss our company.

  6. Don't know you...or really how I even found your blog (can you say stalker?!) But I love it! I love your writing and your photos and just everything. Thanks for sharing with a stranger!


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