Wednesday, January 19, 2011

a matryoshka story...

So, this story is part dance, part funny, and part "alyssa". 

If you look up my name in the thesaurus, 
you'll find awkward in large bold letters right next to it.

Just a warning. 

Today was the first day in my modern technique class, right? It's always awkward going into a new class with people who you're not familiar with when everyone is wearing tight clothing and throwing themselves across a well lit room filled with mirrors. It's silly, but there's a sort of politics to a first day of class: you don't want to be too front and center, yet don't want to be too timid. You don't want to be too show-off-y, yet you want to make sure you're challenging and pushing yourself. Am I the only one who senses these silent rules? Well, anyway. As we were going across the floor, I noticed the girl in front of me had a tattoo peeking out from the back of her drapy shirt. It was the top of a little matryoshka doll, which made my heart leap, not because I'm a tattoo enthusiast (as I'm sure you know), but because (as I'm sure you know) I just love everything russian.

After we finished going across the floor, there was a silent moment, and I decided to take the opportunity to ask my new russian-loving friend about her "artwork".

With all my enthusiasm, I said "Is that a matryoshka doll on your back!?"

She looked at me blankly, and I, now stuttering and thinking maybe this wasn't the best question to start off with said, "The tattoo.... um, is that a matryoshka doll?" 

Her eyes lit with understanding, and then she replied, "Oh. That's Mother Mary."

My heart fell like a bowling ball right next to the fruit snacks in my stomach. But before I could say anything to pull myself out of the awkward hole I'd just leapt into, our instructor called a few technique pointers to our attention, and then told us to take it from the top. I only had a moment to try to say something to her; something, anything

So in a hasty rush of insecurity, I said the first thing that entered my head. Looking her directly in the eye, I said in an unmeaning-fully matter of fact way, "I'm Christian."
Then I nodded. Like an idiot. 

The bowling ball sunk a few inches lower than I thought possible. 
Wow, Alyssa. Wow.

How did I become so adept at awkwardness? I mean, I am Christian, I'm a proud Christian, but why did I have to bring that up after mistaking a tattoo of Mother Mary for a matryoshka doll?

When did I go from being a cute little girl with pink cowboy boots to this?!
I should get my masters degree in awkward studies. 
Actually, I should be the dean of the college of awkwardness. 
You get the picture.

Anyway, I'm lucky the girl just laughed it off; it could have been a truly offensive moment on the worst possible day to be offensive and awkward.

Wow. That's all friends. Thanks for being nice to me even though I say things like that.


  1. Let me just say that similar things have happened with me, and always about Matryoshka Dolls. They are amazing and captivating... and yet always the spawn of an awkward moment! I can't remember exactly what happened but I got all excited about a Matryoshka but it ended up not being and the person looked at me weird... but whatevs. I got the Measuring cups and spoons to prove my love, and a picture frame and who knows... maybe this sweater!

    Also I've taught my nephews who are 4 and 2 to try to say Matryoshka and they always want to play with them when they come over cause they love finding the baby. :) Matryoshkas are amazing, and maybe I will get a Mother Mary Matryoshka tat!

    Also, the class rules are so true.

  2. hahahahaha...I LOVE that you share these moments. You're hysterical.

  3. You are too funny, Alyssa! In the "breath of fresh air" kind of way!!! I say dumb things like that all the time. Words just come out of my mouth and then I never know how to respond in reaction to myself! Awkwardness is a good thing, though! It makes life so un-scripted and so un-predictable! And I love your ability to laugh at yourself! Never change!

  4. I think it's awesome that you can identify such moments as being awkward. I have always suffered from the incurable disease of not-understanding-that-what-you-just-said-was-inappropriate-awkward-and-probably-offensive-itis. My best friends understand this and just laugh it off. I am always blissfully ignorant so it doesn't really effect me either. But I have noticed that I have a small group of really close friends. hahaha! Bravo Alyssa. I hope you guys are doing awesome! Loved the post.

  5. Hahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh! You're adorable!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...