Wednesday, February 23, 2011

turbulence.

I'll admit, friends. I've been avoiding the blogging world for a while now. I don't really have a very good explanation; I've just been feeling overwhelmed, and when I get this way, I loose all desires of gut spilling via internet.

I hate when I second guess things. Especially decisions; past present or future. Common sense screams to me that it's useless to stress yourself out over things that you have no control over, but for one reason or another, I find myself wrapped up like a pretzel over things that I literally can't do anything about.


You know those moments in life, the ones where you think, "Someday, maybe this will be sort of funny to look back on"? You know- like, right now they're terribly un-funny, but maybe in a month or two, I'll chuckle at it?

Yeah, well yesterday I found myself in the bathtub fully clothed without bubbles or water. I was too exhausted physcially and emotionally to take the effort to draw up some lavender and bubbles. I also didn't really have the time a proper bubble bath requires. So I sat there for about 2 minutes with the lights off and my eyes closed. Even now, it's kind of funny in a pathetic sort of way, but at the time, I was just so defeated.

Defeated by what, you say? I so wish I had a decent answer for you. I've not the slightest clue. Maybe it's because of work. Maybe it's because of classes. Maybe it's the fact that I'm making less money working because I'm taking classes. (Ahem, my fault.) Maybe it's the fact that it's snowing, and I really want to wear sundresses right now. Maybe it's hormones, or missing my family. But whatever the reason (if there is, in fact a reason), I don't think there was any excuse for the extravagant pity party I was throwing myself.

Yet there I lay. Defeated nonetheless.

But as I sat there, listening to the stillness of our small apartment (with the exception of our upstairs neighbor who plays video games with the volume way too high), thoughts seeped into the air around me. Thoughts about how I'm luckier than some of the luckiest people I know. Thoughts about how even if I don't know exactly what the future holds, I've got everything I'll ever really need.

I have a home and a most wonderful companion. But even if I didn't; I've got a family who supports, loves and completes me. I live in a blessed country with benefits so easy to take for granted. I've got a healthy working body. I have passion. I have the gospel.

And cue exhale.

If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.
-Dieter F. Uchtdorf






And have a happy wednesday, friends.
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2 comments:

  1. i love this so much alyssa. thanks for sharing :)

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  2. so I'm reading this book all about how to simplify your life.. it's wonderful. 1st chapter explains how emptying your closet of clothes you haven't worn in years will help a "defeated" woman look forward to better things..

    I didn't believe it.. because in my head I think an empty closet will only make a woman feel worse haha..

    BUT the book was right.It's ok to have a few outfits to repeat, but add different accessories to make it lively. Men always look happy and put together.. it's because they have a simple wardrobe. They add different belts, shoes, ties, jackets to not look boring.. that's what i've started doing. buying necklaces to put with a plain, cute, shirt is so much more rewarding than buying a crappy shirt from target every week. totally worked! Try it!!

    and ps.. you have cute clothes, so i'll take whatever you don't want anymore haha :)

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