Wednesday, June 17, 2015

taco bell & life being weird.

life is weird. i was thinking about that the other day. 

it's weird how the goofy boy who wrote me a love letter in elementary school (to which i never responded because "like, ewwww...") is now successful and good looking, and the popular boy that i had a weird crush on in high school is now kind of a... someone i wouldn't have a crush on. it's weird how time gives you perspective.

it's weird that i met gid the way that i did, and that we became friends and then better friends and then best best best friends. it's weird that the boy who was so dear to me as a friend, the boy who i'd go on double dates with (me with my date, and him with his), is now the boy that i love like i've never loved anyone else in the whole wide world. (move over then nerdy now handsome elementary boy- you could never hold a candle to my sweet gid.)

i found this picture in my phone from a lunch we had in dublin (when we were super jet lagged and worn out) and i love it so much. i want to blow it up poster sized, put it on my wall and kiss it goodnight.
i don't have to do that though, because i get to go to sleep with the real thing. sigh. so lucky.

it's weird how we're having a tiny baby. soon. it's weird how i feel him all the time inside of me; how he's literally a piece of who i am. it's weird how we're going to meet him soon.
ps- teddy is totally grounded when he gets out- he's bruising me from the inside out.

it's weird, the people i met in college that changed my life. it's weird that i started taking dance seriously in college and that wound me up in an MFA program in salt lake city.

it's weird how scary making choices were at the time; which undergrad/grad school to go to, who to date, who to marry, where to move, what position to take. because it all worked out so well. it's weird that the jobs i've had throughout my life have been exactly perfect for that season of my life. how did i get so lucky? how could everything have possibly worked out so well for me? not that it was perfect every moment of the way. goodness knows some days are better than others. still though.

so the fact that we have so many changes coming in the next few weeks shouldn't freak me out, right? having a baby coming is stressful enough, but there's more changes coming than a new member of our family. most days i'm okay, but sometimes i'm really just not.

today is my last day of work until further notice. i worked up into week 39, but it feels like i'm leaving much too early. i'm totally bummed about it, but i also think i'm just scared of what leaving my job represents.

i've been compensating nerves and stress with snow cones and taco bell. poor teddy. his first word is going to be "cha-lu-pa".

that's who i am this week. that's what i've resorted to: fast food, and sugar. 

and i really really shouldn't. because it's all going to be okay. just like it's always been. in hindsight i'll look back and chuckle at how scared i was; how many crunchwrap supremes i consumed at the end of my first pregnancy.

it's all going to be okay. just like it's always been.

it's all going to be okay.
it's all going to be okay.
it's all going to be okay.


  1. So, I love chalupas, crunchwraps are a second favorite and what is Summer without snow cones? Call me... oh and you're right it's all going to be okay :) But really, call me and we'll have a baby-bump-get-together at Taco Bell (it's a thing)

  2. I, too, love chalupa's and snow cones. Crunch wraps are pretty good too. It's probably a good thing they weren't around when I was pregnant so very long ago. :D You & Gid are going to be the BEST parents ever!
    If you are feeling up to it on Saturday you should come down to Sandy to Stockton & Paxton's birthday party. We are coming down today and we'd love to see you two!!! Have Gideon text me for info if you can come. Love you both!!!


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