Friday, October 2, 2015

dear october,

nice of you to show up. 
i thought you'd never make it. 

"just wait till three months," they said. "everything gets a little easier at three months."
teddy was born at the beginning of july. so you october, you were my gold, sparkling three month prize. i've watched the leaves change from green to gold in anticipation for you. september has never been longer. including that year that i got married to gid.

you know october, i used to think to myself, "what do mothers do all day?" i did.
secretly of course, because i didn't want people to know what a judgmental
(shall i say it? i shall.) arse i was being.

well now i know, october. i know what mothers do all day long. i know, contrary to what i imagined, that changing diapers, feeding and keeping up with a newborn takes more than an hour or two here and there (nevermind other things like laundry, cleaning bottles, or keeping yourself fed and washed). i know that breastfeeding and keeping your milk supply up is horribly exhausting, and i'll defend women who decide not to do it until the day i die.

teddy turns three months old tomorrow, october.
isn't that exciting and sad all at the same time?
he slept for seven hours two nights ago. (last night wasn't nearly as wonderful, but lets go ahead and say he's getting closer to sleeping through the night, okay?)

when i talk to him, he coos back. 
he laughed about a week ago. 
you'd love his laugh, october.

and i know everything isn't going to be easier now. i know i'll still have horrible nights full of crying, diaper changes, and endless spit up. i know in many ways that when one thing gets easier, it's only inevitable that more difficult things will show up. it's a law of physics or something, right?

but i'm still going to take a moment, lift an imaginary glass of champagne and make a toast.  
(toast sounds delicious right now)

to three months. 
three horrible and wonderful months. three months without murdering anyone, without running away, and without showering (haha). three months of desperately trying to convince my baby that my breast is just as good as his bottle. three months of keeping his diapers changed and his little tears wiped. three months of hating gid being at work, and crying because i miss him so badly. three months. watching my baby grow out of newborn, 0-3, and 3-6 month clothing
(you guys, he's tall).

 three months of adjusting to a life that is so very very new, 
and being able to say that we survived. 

for three months, anyway.

here's to you, october.

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