Tuesday, December 20, 2016

a corner of teddy's play room (with a video!)

okay, our friends over at tnees tpees sent us one of their darling teepees for teddy's playroom, and i've been so crazy in love with it, guys. (i hide in there sometimes while teddy naps to watch netflix, and i swear it improves the binge episode watching experience. #justsayin)


found this tiny wreath at trader joes, and i'm all heart eyes over it.

i've been in the market for one of these for a couple of months now, and i felt like everything i looked at was too big, too expensive, or too elaborate. (for instance, i found this vw bug teepee that was pretty cute, but it was a bit much for my taste.) i'm trying so hard to keep the styling in our home as minimal as possible, and the natural teepee from this shop has been so so perfect for our little playroom.

the other night we hired a babysitter while we went to the nutcracker, and we we got home she said that teddy crawled into the teepee, put his head on the pillow, and his little bummie in the air and just went right to sleep. sweet baby bear.

i've loved how mobile our teepee has been (our house isn't exactly enormous, and this has been really easy to set up, or put away if i need more space), and especially how charming it makes the space in our playroom. we've gotten several compliments, and i think teddy is just going to love it more and more the older he gets.

these teepees are hand made with love in america by a husband wife duo, come in a wide variety or styles and colors, (ugh the neutral lace would be so lovely for a little girl's nursery!!) and i can attest for the quality and dedication to the brand and quality of product.


and bonus: here's a little video of the teepee in our home:


check it out friends. promise you won't be dissapointed.
xo
ps- can you believe christmas is in five days??! 
should someone be stressed out if they haven't purchased any presents at this point?
asking for a friend.


tnees tpees
cushion & rugs (washable!)
mobile

Friday, December 16, 2016

we got a tree. and other things.

you guys know we moved just before thanksgiving, right? and that we've been living out of suitcases and boxes since, right? and that moving, and unpacking, and trying to furnish a new home with a toddler in the middle of busy work season is the worst, right? and that we would've been well within our rights to skip getting a tree this year, right? right??!!

k, i can tell i'm making it too obvious how proud of us i am for making time to get a tree this year, so i'll move on.


i told myself buying a tree wouldn't matter because teddy won't remember it. i'm so glad we got one anyway, because he loves it, and what kind of a jerk would i be to skip buying a tree just because i was too tired? 



dat face tho.


moral of the story: always get a tree if you can, even if you don't want to because you're too tired and annoyed about all the boxes you have to unpack. it's worth it times a hundred. 




happy snowy friday, people. stay warm out there.
xo

teddy's sweater
teddy's outfit (sale!!)
teddy's boots
teddy's hat

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

today.

today it's snowing, and it makes me want to curl up in a blanket, cuddle with teddy, and watch netflix all day.

today, i feel like we'll never really be moved in. we've been here for almost a month, and it's still a mess. i still haven't had our specialty doorknobs installed, which makes me laugh and then sigh sadly. we haven't finished the hardware on our cabinets. our dishwasher and clothes dryer haven't been properly installed because of hiccups here and there, and i'm starting to wonder if the backsplash in our bathroom and the kitchen will ever happen. the problem is- we moved, but our lives didn't go on hold. we're both still working, and dealing with schedules, and deadlines, and any non essential task went straight to the back burner. and man, unpacking is like the most dangerous game ever-- talk about one step forward, three thousand steps back. where do i put my weird shoeboxes full of craft things? and why do i have so much yarn? i don't knit, guys- seriously, why do i have any yarn????



today in a dismal effort to distract myself from online shopping, i looked at plane tickets to places all over the world and it was just a really really bad idea. (there are tickets from boise to london right now for less than $650 round trip. byeeeeee.)

today i'm wondering how it's possible that our laptop and car haven't had any problems for the last almost decade, and yet they both managed to die within a week of each other right after we moved and have no money. when it rains it pours, i guess. things are expensive. i think that's why i've been so bad at writing on here lately-- i usually write in the covers of my bed on the laptop. sitting down at a desktop is so much more commitment for some reason. i could write all day from the comfort of my bed. i wrote my entire thesis wrapped in blankets.

today i'm determined to unpack the stacked suitcases and boxes labeled "other clothes" that have been shoved in my closet for the past 3 weeks. not looking forward to it.

today i feel quiet, heartbroken, and helpless about aleppo. these are mothers, fathers, sons and daughters being trapped and hunted, and it feels like no one is doing anything.


today i love having hardwood floors that let me hear the pitter patter of tiny feet running through our home excitedly. i'm grateful for the way he adores me lately; the way he leans his head on my leg and kisses my knee gently for no reason before running away with those same little pitter patters. i love him so much.

today i'm grateful for this creaky, tiny, old home (even if it doesn't have doorknobs just yet). i'm grateful that the car and laptop breaking down was just annoying, and not debilitating to our budget. i'm grateful for a healthy rascal of a boy. i'm grateful for freedom. for safety. i'm grateful for hide and seek and peek a boo. i'm grateful for facetime, and for best friends. i'm grateful for the snow that's falling outside, and the blankets that keep us warm. i'm grateful for the gold lights on the tree in our corner, and for a season that feels magical regardless of the beliefs you hold onto.

happy wednesday. i'm going to try to go unpack.
xo


Friday, December 9, 2016

back.

hi. it feels like i haven't been on here in weeks. oh wait. 




let me catch you up-

-our house isn't finished.
-we moved in anyway.
-the laptop died. (angry.)
-i still haven't unpacked.
-thanksgiving happened.
-we got a tree.
-it snowed.
-i'm done teaching for the semester.

-i still have more gray hair than seems fair for someone of my age and girlish charm.

that about covers it, i think.

thank you for still checking in on me, guys. thank you for understanding that moving takes over your life, and things fall through the cracks. thank you for bringing me lunch, sending me packages, buying me flowers, and lending me things that i still haven't returned. (i am the worst, libby- i'm so sorry.) thank you for being there for me.

it still makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit that i have a blog, but it's connected me to some of the best friends ever. i'll be posting real things soon, if you care. and if you don't, thanks for stopping by anyway. happy friday.

xo

Friday, November 4, 2016

halloween 2016

guys, with everything going on in our lives, we came close to just throwing in the towel for halloween. teddy is too little to really enjoy it, and trying to find costumes was really draining me on top of work and house stuff. in the end, a dear friend of mine lent me both a witches hat and teddy's lion costume, (thanks, libby!!) and we were able to throw the rest together in less than 24 hours.

i put on green make up for the first time in my life (haven't felt clean since), and dressed teddy's favorite bear as dorothy. we were missing the tin man, but whatever- i'm so proud of us for making an effort!

normally i try to take the time to get my nicer camera out and take some good pictures, but this year we just used our phones. *shrug* oh well. 

here's our halloween in bad pictures, guys:

^^ugh, i felt soo ugly with paint on my face! i don't wear foundation,
and the feel of it was driving me nuts all night.

^^you can see dorothy a little better in this picture.

xo

ps- this song has been stuck in my head all day:

'Twas Halloween, and the ghosts were out
And everywhere they'd go, they shout
And though I covered my eyes, I knew
They'd go away
But fear's the only thing I saw
And three days later 'twas clear to all
That nothing is as scary as election day

-norah jones

Thursday, November 3, 2016

i cried.


this morning i met my best friend in boise at a coffee shop to say goodbye before she moves across the country. and then i drove home, put teddy down for a nap, consumed an gigantic muffin, and had an emotional breakdown.

i cried because i already miss her.
i cried because teddy was sleepy and being a rascal, and made our goodbye feel even more rushed than it already was. i cried because things like friends moving makes me feel old. i cried because this renovating process has been so much longer, and more difficult and emotional that i imagined it would be; and we still haven't even moved. i cried because this election legitimately scares me. i cried because i miss my mom and my sister, and i'm jealous of people around here whose entire family live within a 15 mile radius of them, and even though i enjoy the space gid and i have, i secretly wish i had that kind of family support system too, and courtney was the closest thing i had to that here.



and i cried because even though my life feels so good right now-- (five years ago if you'd told me that in 2016 i'd have a darling little boy, gid would have a terrific job, we'd be moving into our first home, and i'd have more opportunity to work than i could take on, i would've thrown a party to celebrate.)-- even with that, some days it feels like i'm still trying to figure out what the heck i'm doing with my life.


and i think, for me at least, that's just how it is. maybe there will always be a whisper in the back of my mind asking me when i'm going to finally get myself together.

but, "together" according to who? who am i comparing myself to? certainly, there's people out there who are more "put together" than i, but certainly there's also people who have just as little (or less) of an idea of what they're doing with their life.

i guess what i'm saying is that i think we're all just faking it sometimes.
(sometimes not. sometimes i can be a boss. and i know you can too.)

but sometimes i think we're faking it a little. and i think that's okay.
i miss my friend.
xo

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

important things.

let's start with the most important thing i want to tell you this morning: teddy said "please" for the first time last night, and it made my heart swell, and i gave him a whole chocolate chip cookie as a reward (#badparenting). i'm so so proud of him. you should've heard the way he said it too; (it sounded more like "eese?!" and he also did the sign language motion for it at the same time, and my heart exploded all over the kitchen floor). all the cookies, teddybear- you can have all of them.

next most important thing to tell you is that our kitchen countertops were installed this morning, and our bathroom is almost completely functioning. this is a big deal, people. now that we have a flushing toilet, i feel like maybe we'll move in for real someday. (hope so, since we put in our notice at our apartment complex.)

the next most important thing to tell you is that the new new upper cabinets (if you follow my insta stories, you may have seen the ones that originally came back from shipping were broken and i was so so angry about it) will be here next week which is crazy fast and exciting. i also found a new chandelier (the ikea one we originally bought that i loved was sooo much bigger than i imagined it would be) and we'll be installing that this week as well. ugh, it feels like the progress is happening so much faster now than it did at the beginning! relief!!

the next most important thing is a question- does anyone know excellent hardware websites for kitchen cabinets? my heart wants antique english brass fixtures, because they're beautiful and old looking, but my head is telling me to stick with the black since they're less expensive, have a cleaner look, and i don't have to worry about matching finishes. (they also don't clash as badly with the appliances we've chosen...)

ugh, my head has always been stronger than my heart.
i'm still reaching out to see if anyone knows of an awesome website i can check out.

his fave fave fave thing is being pushed around in this little red wagon. (thank you courtney!)
mama's back is sore.


the next most important thing for me to tell you is that our red tree in our backyard is almost completely bare, but the tree next to it is just starting to lose the most lovely yellow leaves, and teddy has shifted his attention to it. i love how much he loves our backyard. that's important, right?!

the last most important thing is that i've picked the winners from the eeboo giveaway (i should've picked weeks ago, but life is crazy, and i'm a wreck, and i'm only getting to it now.) congratulations katie murdock, and krista widdinson! send me a message confirming that you saw this, and we'll get you set up with eeboo.

happy wednesday.
xo

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

life.

life is crazy right now. too much going on, particularly in my dance world. i think it'll be better once we've moved into our home, but it's gotten to the point that anytime i'm working on choreography or class material, teddy gets weepy and begs me to hold him. he hates when i get into dance mode (unless i'm holding him and spinning- that he loves). i worry about him feeling less important than my work, but i also think it's healthy for him to know how to be patient, and that he's not the center of the universe. anyone else struggle with that? i'm open to tips.



the past month a lot of opportunities have been thrown at me, and i've spent sleepless nights thinking about the pros and cons of working versus staying at home. in the middle of a mental conversation with myself, i admitted that one of the reasons i'm eager to get out of the house is because i often feel like i don't belong there. i imagined i'd slip into motherhood much easier than i have, and even though i know i'm hard on myself, i still feel like i'm bad at it.

and i don't like hanging out in situations that i feel like i'm failing in. put me in a studio, and i'll put together a show for you. but ask me to cook a simple meal for my 15 month old, and i'll crumble to the ground, question everything happening in my life, and eventually call zupas with a pickup order ready to go.

the thing is- the last year has been the best of my life. and i'm cringing as i type, because it's so cliché, but whatever- it's true. i've hardly gotten any sleep, i've experienced deeper blues than ever before, and silver hairs making appearances don't even phase me anymore.

but i've also fallen hard in love. with teddy, and with gideon all over again (some days more than others, of course). i've fallen in love with short naps and hot showers, and a million other little things that i never appreciated the way i do now. i've fallen in love with his smiles, and chubby legs. i've fallen in love with nap time, and story time. i've gotten a glimpse of how my parents feel about me, which makes me fall in love with them a little bit.

yesterday when i came home from teaching, teddy wriggled excitedly out of gideon's arms, and ran with open arms and happy squeals to give me a hug and a wet kiss. he wouldn't let me out of his sight the rest of the night. immediately after i'd go into a room where he couldn't see me, i'd hear concerned noises until he found me and reach his arms to me; silently asking to be held. he rested his head on my shoulder and cooed "mama" softly. he giggled and snorted while we read bedtime stories. and after getting him down in his crib, and i finally had some time to myself, i caught myself mostly looking at pictures of him on my phone, or thinking about things that he needs, or wondering what kind of a example i'm giving him. it feels like i've turned into a completely different person. it scares me, and confuses me.

and then i reminded myself that for the first time in what feels like a long time, i've been feeling happy. and that's the most important thing. work is stressing me out. the house is stressing me out. i still have bad days- ugh, some days teddy is such a little rascal, and drives me nuts. but i've noticed a positive shift in my mood towards being at home. i'm happier here than i've been since our move last year.

i'm not making any announcements about how much work i'll be taking on in the next year.

i just wanted to say that i'm happy right now.
and it feels really good.

xo

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

being sub-par, and other things.

he's turned into such a mama's boy lately, and i love it. also- i feel like i've earned it- the first 13 months of his life, he openly preferred gideon to me (he'd be a grouch all day until dada came home from work, and then all of a sudden he was an angel). these days though, he'll drop his favorite toy for a snuggle with me. when i come home from work, he trots to me with a squeal and lovingly murmurs "mama" as he nuzzles himself into my neck.
i remember a friend of mine saying that motherhood gets better when they start giving back a little.
this is what she meant, and she was so right.



i've been collaborating with a dance company here in boise, and he's been tagging along with me to the rehearsals which is fun some of the time, and hard a lot of the time. he resents my attention being away from him, and will take my face with both of his small hands and force eye contact in the middle of a run. he's also gotten really good at rolling to the ground. the kid is graceful. i don't mean to be presumptuous but he's definitely the most talented human on the planet.
side note- he also really likes to eat rocks right now.


^^can you even handle this baby cow sweater??!

i feel spread too thin right now. i'm teaching at bsu, choreographing with idt, helping get our house move-in ready in the evenings, and changing diapers furiously in between. and i know i've got it easy. sometimes i really feel like i'm a horribly sub-par mother (/teacher/choreographer/diaper changer). it seems like every other mom i know gets more accomplished than i do. i'm determined to not accept any more side jobs until next year. i'm going crazy.

on a happier note, i'm falling in love with our home. when we first walked through it, i vaguely thought it had potential, but the more time i spend in it, and the more i watch it transform into what we envisioned, i realize it's actually my dream home. i can't thank the people who have helped us get this far with it enough. i've never loved a house like i love this one. it's small, and it's creaky, but it's doing it's best and i love it so much.

it's tuesday, and leaves are falling, and before we know it, the holidays are going to be here.
i hope you're staying warm.
xo

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

lately.

i lost him 2 weeks ago for the first time. (#unfitparent) in the middle of church, a friend of mine asked if she could borrow a wipe, and in the time it took me to reach over, grab the case from my diaper bag, and hand it to her, teddy had managed to slip past both my friend and i without notice. i had no idea where he was for maybe 15 seconds, and even though i never got truly worried, it was a sobering reminder of how quickly he could disappear. he'd taken a stroll down the hall, following the sound of gideon's laugh. (those of you who know gid know what a recognizable laugh he has- it's deep and hearty. teddy knew just where to go to find him.) ps- anyone bought those squeaky shoes to keep track of where your baby is? i'm in the market...

we bought a kitchen table small enough to fit in our little home. i love it so much. we painted the trim a few days ago, and this week we're finishing the walls, which is making me glow. i was showing my grandma pictures from our remodel and she told me with a soft smile that our home reminded her of the house she grew up in, which made me so so happy for some reason.

in preparation for our move, i decided to purge my closet of things i don't wear anymore and discovered that since teddy's birth (14 months ago) i've only purchased four dresses and two tops. you guys, that's nutsit made me realize how little i need.


i'm starting to accept that he's becoming more a little boy than he is a baby. his hair is lightening and beginning to curl. his voice is gaining clarity, and his little laughs are the highlight of my day. i love being able to play with him more directly. i love tickling him, growling back and forth with him, and throwing balls back and forth to each other. (which reminds me- don't forget about the giveaway in the last post!)

we watched the debate a few nights ago, and it just left me feeling really uneasy and scared about the upcoming election. how did we get here?

is it too early to be buying christmas pajamas for your baby? cuz i'm buyin' all of them this week. how many pairs of pjs are too much for a 14 month old?

teaching is still stressing me out. if i could just get through today, that'd be greaattttt.
xo

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

a giveaway with eeboo!

hi. 
it's tuesday, and i really want it to be friday. 

i've never looked forward to weekends as much as i do as a mother, which is weird, since moms don't get weekend breaks from their kids. i thought when i stopped working full time that weekdays and weekends would feel the same. they don't right?! sigh.

hey let's do a giveaway to get us through this tuesday.


ever since teddy could grasp objects in his hands, he's been into waving (more like thrashing actually) his toys around, which is cute, but can easily turn into a really sad day when he drops them on his face, or they're hard or pointy. a few weeks ago while we were in dc, teddy was chewing on one of his favorite airplane toys, and after an excited jab, he scratched the inside of his mouth. so sad.

one of teddy's favorite toys right now is the noisy ball from eeboo, a thoughtful children's toy and gift company located in the heart of nyc. it's a soft, plush ball that has a soft chiming noise it makes when it's moves. (not obnoxious- and you guys know how picky i am about toys and their noises!)


the noisy ball's design is a traditional folk form toy. it has bright friendly colors, and crinkles and squeaks in a few little spots, which is extra fun to discover for little ones. it's shape is perfect for small hands, and i can personally attest that it's teddysafe (which means you can shove your face into it thousands of times without harming yourself.)


teddy's fav game right now is throwing it up the stairs and watching it bound back down towards him, or having one of us stand below the stairs while he throws it down to us and waits for us to throw it back up to him. 

do i sound like a bad mom when i say it's nice knowing i can throw it at his face and that it won't hurt him? mamma relief.



eeboo is being super generous and is sending TWO readers this sweet and fun toy!

to enter this giveaway, give their site a little visit, and shoot me a comment below telling me something that's putting you in a good mood today, k?

*as always, following me on facebook or instagram gets you more entires.*



thanks to eeboo for sponsoring this giveaway.

i hope you have a good rest of your day, friends.
xo

Friday, September 16, 2016

on being patient.

i don't know how people seem to handle their lives so gracefully. do i seem graceful? ugh, social media is such a lie. if i ever look like i have even a little of my shiz together- don't believe it for a moment.

i'm homesick. not so much for texas (i mean, a little...) but more for our home that we haven't moved into. every week that goes by makes me miss it more. i want to make leaf piles, and take naps in the backyard. i want to fill it with tiny giggles and games of hide and seek. i want to make lemonade in june, and bake a pie during november (just one time- i'm not martha stewart over here.) i want to hang white curtains on every window, and leave them open so the breeze can flow through the tiny space while i glide on the wood floors wearing oversized t shirts and no pants (because pants are the worst). i want to wear slippers on the kitchen tile that i know will be cold during the winter months. i want to hang a garland over the fireplace and play the charlie brown christmas soundtrack. it's so hard to be patient.

teddy has graduated from walking to a confident pre- run trot. there are little bruises all over those chubby legs which bums me out and makes me proud. he's started to lean his head on me multiple times during the day. it's crazy how this tiny person who i've known for such a short amount of time commands my heart and attention.

the leaves outside our apartment windows are changing slowly, and it makes me nostalgic for this time last year, when teddy would just rest his head on my chest and gaze outside with wide calm eyes. i need to remember that thing people say about the days being long and the years being short. i feel like any moment he's going to run out the door and not need me at all.



the house is coming slow and sure. teddy and i visited today, and now there's tiny footprints and fingerprints all over the dusty floors. painting is happening soon which is one of the last hurdles before move in day. (of course, we still have to wait for the cabinets to be delivered, then the countertops, the sink (thank you britt), the vanity, the toilet, all the fixtures, and all the appliances. (but appliance stuff seems like you just have to buy it and install it, right? sigh.)

i hope we move in by halloween.
if not halloween, maybe thanksgiving.
and if not thanksgiving, maybe christmas.

i hope your friday is good.
xo

Thursday, September 8, 2016

today.

2:30 a.m.
why is he awake? is it gas? is it his gums again?? is he teething? i feel gideon leave the bed to calm him down with a bit of milk, and make a mental note that next time it's my turn to get up in the middle of the night. i struggle to slip back into sleep.



5:30 a.m.
whispers. growls. giggles. how is he up again?! i'm convinced i haven't really slept since i heard him in the middle of the night. i hear gideon chuckle as he and teddy start a conversation about how the night went, and what adventures will happen during their morning time together. at this point in the day, i'm especially grateful for a early bird husband. i feel like my best sleep happens between 4-7 in the morning. i start thinking about how i should take that z-quill i bought a few weeks ago.

7:00 a.m.
i feel like i got 4 hours of sleep. my skin feels dry as i wipe the sleep from my eyes. i walk into the bathroom to find gideon getting ready for work, and teddy gleefully mimicking him shaving his face. teddy is thrilled to see me. he giggles, and shows me his toothbrush before going to pick up his favorite book of the day.

7:15 a.m.
gideon gives us kisses goodbye. teddy is devastated when he leaves and cries for 10 minutes. the only thing that calms him down is watching a video from our recent trip to dc.

noon
he's exhausted. i've failed putting him to sleep three times, and i'm really hoping the fourth time is the charm. so far today we've eaten toast, orange juice, and a handful of grapes. we settle down with 5 books. he enjoys a bottle of milk. i rock him for 30 minutes. finally. silence.
(he sleeps for less than an hour.)

i spend his nap cleaning up a bit, face-timing with my mom, eating more grapes, and online window shopping for things for our home (that i can't afford...)

1:35 p.m.
gid sends me a text message asking how i'm doing and reminding me that he loves me. i think how lucky i am to have a partner that not only gets up with a crying baby in the middle of the night, but also goes out of his way to make me feel valued and appreciated.

2:00 p.m.
we visit the park, and marvel at the big trucks, the lawn mowers, and the airplanes. he manages to become covered in grass, mud, and sand.

3:00 p.m.
i visit a charming local toy shop in beautiful hyde park, because i have no self control and felt like my baby needed a tractor toy. teddy is obsessed with it. i feel really good about how happy it makes him, and try to remind myself that buying things doesn't equal happiness all of the time.

as i walk on the sidewalk to the car, sweet babbles come from the baby on my hip, leaves fall slowly around us, and for a second i feel like my life is really awesome. i'm so happy we live here.

4:30 p.m.
his eyes are heavy from our time outside. it takes less than 10 minutes for me to get him down for his second nap. man, i love it when that happens.

5:00 p.m.
i realize that dinner hasn't even been on my radar (and i promised myself i was going to be awesome today!) i pull up easy recipes on buzzfeed and end up also checking my personal email, my work email, facebook, and instagram. i still don't know what i'm making.

5:45 p.m.
i hear the key in the lock, and give gid a big kiss and hug to welcome him home before telling him that i'm sorry for not having dinner ready. he smiles and shrugs as if to say, "who cares? i'm just glad to not be at work!" i fall silently in love with him again. he could've married girls who'd have a perfect dinner ready for him every evening, and he still chose me. we end up making a delicious meal with broccoli and beef on top of rice with (you guessed it!) grapes on the side.

7:00 p.m.
we take a walk. gideon and teddy throw stones in the river until both their hands are covered in mud. teddy makes quacking sounds at the ducks, barking sounds at the dogs, and growls deeply and seriously at the stone owl we pass on our way back from the greenbelt. older couples taking walks wave to teddy and are thrilled when he waves to them. i love where we live so much.

8:15 p.m.
the sun is going down earlier now, and it's making me miss summer nights. we draw a warm bath, and teddy happily splashes, playing with his submarine toy, his duck, and the five trucks that he's managed to convince me need to join him in the bath. while i'm in the middle of a conversation with gideon, teddy manages to fill a plastic bowl with water, and pour it outside of the tub. i gasp, and gideon laughs. he's asleep a little after nine.

9:20 p.m.
gid and i talk about our days, the house, and things about teddy. he makes me want to be better than i am. he gets a snack (cereal), and i get chips and salsa. gid asks me if i'd like him to make a milkshake, and because i love his milkshakes more than i enjoy looking at the scale, i agree enthusiastically. we look at old pictures of our baby on our phones because we're crazy about him, and then we watch an episode of parks and rec. (i only laugh because gid is laughing so hard.)

10:30 p.m.
we snuggle into bed. i stare at the ceiling, and silently pray for a good nights sleep for us all, and maybe for a million dollars.

xo

Thursday, September 1, 2016

a quick trip to dc (with a video!)

we tagged along with one of gid's work conferences in dc last week, which reminded me of how much i love traveling, and also how doing so will never be the same with kids. teddy was a champ, and for the most part kept a happy face, but i could tell he missed being home with his familiar things. such a little homebody.

we've both been battling sickness this week, so i'm stepping away from social media to focus on getting us healthy again, but i wanted to share this short video that i made with my phone (chose not to lug the camera around on this trip). sweet memories for us to look back on.



i hope you have a good week, friends.
xo


Tuesday, August 30, 2016

lately.

before we went to DC, there was a day last week that teddy refused to sleep (zero minutes- he normally takes two naps!), and i ended up being the one who had a meltdown. i didn't realize how important that nap time is for me to recharge. when gid finally got home, i raged about what an incompetent mother i was, and asked why wouldn't teddy sleep when he was so obviously exhausted, and begged him for me to please go to work in his place tomorrow, and please please could he go get some food for us because remember how i'm incompetent?

gid, ever calm and centered somehow managed to settle teddy down, and in what i swear was less than a minute, had him snoring happily- which should've made me coo in adoration, but in reality just pissed me off. after he put teddy in his crib, gid sat down with me, and encouraged me to tell him about the good things that happened that day.

you know what's the worst? having an optimistic sweet husband when all you want is to watch the world burn.

my incision has been bothering me again, and i'm guessing it's because teddy is in this stage where he loves to kick, and trample right on my abdomen. a few nights ago i had a horrible dream that it ripped open, and woke up with my heart pounding, and my scar pulsing. i still can't believe it happened. i can't believe i had a c section. (ps- i had a doctor look at it, and everything looks normal.) 

i started teaching last week at bsu, and am equal parts thrilled and petrified. i want so badly to be excellent, and i felt like i just could've been better. in the middle of prepping some combinations, one of my students wrote me an email thanking me for class and saying that she's so excited, and for a second i remembered how teaching can be so fulfilling instead of just being an anxiety-fest.

i gave up on lost, and a mere week later, like a dog returning to it's vomit- went back to finish it. it was excellent. i loved the way it ended, even though not everything was resolved, and that stupid time travel section drove me crazy.

annnnnnnd now i've watched the first season of stranger things, and i have feelings about that now. like i really want to have telekinesis powers.

the house is coming together slowly, and i'm falling in love with every last inch of it. these bathroom floors are making me so happy tonight.
xo

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

lately. (and giveaway winner announced!)

teddy's been throwing everything into the trash, and wherever else he can find. it's equal parts annoying and sweet. i found a truck in my pots and pans the other day and almost wanted to take a picture. if someone told me five years ago finding a truck in their pots and pans was cute, i'd have felt sorry for them.


last week after i wrote this post and was feeling hopeless, i turned on some stevie wonder, started making spaghetti and teddy was dancing in the kitchen making bear growls, and gid was hiding around the corner peeking his head out from behind one of my sun hats which was making teddy laugh hysterically, and for a second i felt like a really lucky person instead of a really pathetic person.

golden moments like that make the dark ones seem less devastating.

he's been fighting me more on going to sleep lately. a few nights ago while i rocked him, he cooed, and chuckled, and whispered mama and dada, which exasperated me. it was 10 pm, people. i'd shush him and he'd respond with a giggling growl, and a string of words that i think translated loosely into something about planes, puppies, and wanting a treat. defeated, i let myself laugh, which made him laugh, and he finally closed his eyes, sat up, smiled with his eyes still closed, reached for the his pacifier (eyes still closed), and slumped down on my shoulder in a deep snore. it was one of my favorite moments as a mom. some days are better than others, but even on the crap ones- i love him, i love him, i love him.

and one more thing- the day before i started my new teaching job, i found all of my good bobby pins. if that doesn't prove there's a god, i'm not sure what does.

happy tuesday, friends.
xo

ps- i'm so excited to announce that the winner of the margaux and may swaddle set giveaway is lauren morrison! these giveaways make me so happy. i hope you know that i notice all of you who enter. i wish i could give everyone a prize.

pss- i couldn't help myself, so i'm sending a second winner one swaddle as well. this will go to mary bush. congratulations! keep an eye out for another giveaway coming up soon!

lauren and mary, i'll contact you via instagram, and we'll get you set up with your swaddles!

Thursday, August 18, 2016

babes in bloom.

guys, i went to a party a couple of days ago, and it was a big deal for me because anxiety. i haven't been to a dance since i was a teen, and generally speaking, i do better in small groups. i may or may not have changed three times, and given myself a major pep talk before.


^^ this girl!! killing me with her cuteness!

i did a little videography for the party thrower extraordinaire (my main reason for coming- this girl is infectious). can you believe these backdrops? all handmade. we were all so blown away by her vision coming to life. talent!

^^prom date picture that i'll show my children, and my children's children, ha!


girls only.
big flowers everywhere.
soda and pastry bar.
photo wall.
and dj drops all night.
(did i say that last part right?)


about 1.5 hours into the evening, i started feeling uneasy, and little whispers in the back of my mind reminded me that teddy has a cold, i had a meeting in the morning, and i wanted to have nice memories of doing silly moves with old friends, instead of memories of feeling obligated to stay out later than i wanted to (when no one really cares what time i go to bed).

so i took off around 10:30, and was in bed by 11.
i know it doesn't sound glamourous, but it felt awesome.

i'm glad i went.


and just so you know, there's more of these parties in the future. keep an ear out- i'll be sure to announce them to you brave extroverts who are made for this kinda stuff!
(and maybe you anxious introverts can give it a try too, ha.)

thanks so much for the fun night, paige! (and babes who i ran into!!)
i'll keep you guys posted when the video i made is live.
xo

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

drained.

this picture sums up how i'm feeling lately.
i can't even tell you how over teething i am. 
i've been drained the past few days, and i really have no good excuse, other than i'm just off.

but how long do you get to be "off," before you're just kind of a bummer to be around? i'm pretty sure i suck to hang out with right now. (even if i'm just by myself.) it's nice that teddy doesn't mind playing by himself one bit.

the other day i was researching how much tickets to different places around the world cost, and 30 minutes, two bowls of ice cream, and one meltdown from teddy later, i was convinced i'm never traveling again, and why didn't i visit places around the world when i was good looking and single, and why is motherhood so hard, and why do people even have children, and why on earth do i want another baby ever?

also, i feel old. which is so dumb, since i obviously don't look a day older than 25. (if you want to confirm that in the comment section, i wouldn't be annoyed at you.)

i'm so talented at falling into slumps, and convincing myself that my life is terrible and hard, when i know realistically, that my life is healthy and normal, and i need to shut up and send all the thank you's i have in me to the universe.

we're remodeling our house, and it's expensive, and for the first time in a long time, i'm a little stressed about money. not "how are we going to eat this week" stressed, but "crap, i don't think i should go to target ever again" stressed. hugo in lost won the whole friggin lottery, and it only brought him bad luck, so i'm using that picture in my head to discourage daydreams of winning millions of dollars and never worrying about things having to do with money ever again.

teddy is getting so big. i know he must be a normal amount of handsome, and my mamma eyes have too many hearts in them for me to see him the way the rest of the world does, but i think he's crazy beautiful. is this how my mom felt about me? was i ever this darling?

it's wednesday, guys. we can do it.
thanks for listening to my ramblings.
xo

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

a giveaway with margaux and may!

okay people- it's wednesday, and teddy finally went down for a nap,
so let's celebrate with a GIVEAWAY!!!


margaux and may's blue fern swaddle ^^

i'll be the first to admit that i buy too many baby blankets, but they're soft, and cute, and i can't help myself, so this week we're giving a set away! ( if you win, maybe you'll develop a swaddle addiction like me, and we can talk through it with each other, ha!)

if you spend any time on instagram, i'm sure you've seen margaux and may's darling swaddles making the rounds. we've loved having these cute blankets in our home- they're thin and soft, and keep teddy just the right temperature. (nothing worse than a too warm blanket on a summer night!)




margaux and may's iconic feather swaddle. ^^


easy peasy giveaway- to enter, just leave me a comment below telling me one thing that you accomplished today that you're proud of. let's spread some good, shall we?

{entries double if you follow me and margaux and may on instagram.}

a winner will be sent not one,
but TWO gorgeous margaux and may swaddles!!


best of luck!! i hope you have a good wednesday, friends. xo
___________________


thanks to margaux and may for sponsoring this post.
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