Friday, November 4, 2016

halloween 2016

guys, with everything going on in our lives, we came close to just throwing in the towel for halloween. teddy is too little to really enjoy it, and trying to find costumes was really draining me on top of work and house stuff. in the end, a dear friend of mine lent me both a witches hat and teddy's lion costume, (thanks, libby!!) and we were able to throw the rest together in less than 24 hours.

i put on green make up for the first time in my life (haven't felt clean since), and dressed teddy's favorite bear as dorothy. we were missing the tin man, but whatever- i'm so proud of us for making an effort!

normally i try to take the time to get my nicer camera out and take some good pictures, but this year we just used our phones. *shrug* oh well. 

here's our halloween in bad pictures, guys:

^^ugh, i felt soo ugly with paint on my face! i don't wear foundation,
and the feel of it was driving me nuts all night.

^^you can see dorothy a little better in this picture.


ps- this song has been stuck in my head all day:

'Twas Halloween, and the ghosts were out
And everywhere they'd go, they shout
And though I covered my eyes, I knew
They'd go away
But fear's the only thing I saw
And three days later 'twas clear to all
That nothing is as scary as election day

-norah jones

Thursday, November 3, 2016

i cried.

this morning i met my best friend in boise at a coffee shop to say goodbye before she moves across the country. and then i drove home, put teddy down for a nap, consumed an gigantic muffin, and had an emotional breakdown.

i cried because i already miss her.
i cried because teddy was sleepy and being a rascal, and made our goodbye feel even more rushed than it already was. i cried because things like friends moving makes me feel old. i cried because this renovating process has been so much longer, and more difficult and emotional that i imagined it would be; and we still haven't even moved. i cried because this election legitimately scares me. i cried because i miss my mom and my sister, and i'm jealous of people around here whose entire family live within a 15 mile radius of them, and even though i enjoy the space gid and i have, i secretly wish i had that kind of family support system too, and courtney was the closest thing i had to that here.

and i cried because even though my life feels so good right now-- (five years ago if you'd told me that in 2016 i'd have a darling little boy, gid would have a terrific job, we'd be moving into our first home, and i'd have more opportunity to work than i could take on, i would've thrown a party to celebrate.)-- even with that, some days it feels like i'm still trying to figure out what the heck i'm doing with my life.

and i think, for me at least, that's just how it is. maybe there will always be a whisper in the back of my mind asking me when i'm going to finally get myself together.

but, "together" according to who? who am i comparing myself to? certainly, there's people out there who are more "put together" than i, but certainly there's also people who have just as little (or less) of an idea of what they're doing with their life.

i guess what i'm saying is that i think we're all just faking it sometimes.
(sometimes not. sometimes i can be a boss. and i know you can too.)

but sometimes i think we're faking it a little. and i think that's okay.
i miss my friend.
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